


you fracture light again

by rosewitchx



Series: Bodyguard AU [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Blatant lies, Courtroom Drama, Episode: s05e18 A Single Pale Rose, Espionage, Execution, Gen, Homeworld Hierarchy (Steven Universe), Homeworld is Horrible, Jasper got roped into it, Minor Character Death, Rebellion, Secret Identity, Self-Esteem Issues, Treason, gem ocs are minor characters, pink only likes jasper when she's useful to her :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24497590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosewitchx/pseuds/rosewitchx
Summary: Pink Diamond's tragedy as seen from her bodyguard's perspective.orJasper tries really hard, you guys.
Relationships: Jasper & Pearl (Steven Universe), Jasper & Pink Diamond (Steven Universe), Pearl & Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Pearl/Pink Diamond (Steven Universe)
Series: Bodyguard AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754770
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	you fracture light again

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Then Because She Goes - The 1975

Jasper knows her Diamond doesn’t like her very much. It’s not hard to notice, not even for her; she’s always supposed to be near her, watching over her, protecting her, and yet she’s always relegated to standing by the door of her room, all alone for hours on end, hearing her charge’s laughter coming from within. 

The first few decades Jasper tended to ask herself if she was doing something wrong. She’d never dare ask her Diamond, of course; she’d be shattered for such a defiant act. But she still wonders, staring at the wall ahead of her. Maybe she’s not still enough; maybe she’s too chatty. Maybe she’s just not what her Diamond expected.

Those questions fade as the years go by, though not entirely. They always linger in the back of her mind, as she follows her Diamond and her Pearl around without question. It just hurts too much to think about the implications. 

She may be young, but she’s not stupid. She knows her Diamond, even if she doesn’t realize. Her Diamond is rash, reckless; she carries a heavy weight that no one else seems to notice, and there’s fire burning right underneath her skin, just like Jasper. She knows when her Diamond is hiding something; she’s known since the second she met her. So she knows, deep down, what she really thinks of a quartz like herself. 

It just hurts too much to think about. 

Three hundred years in, they — Jasper and Pearl — are standing outside their Diamond’s room, as she’s having a meeting, and Pearl suddenly says: “what do you think of my Diamond?”

The question is so out of nowhere Jasper could’ve thought, for a moment, it was addressed to someone else. But that’s ridiculous: there’s no one else here. Jasper risks a glance at her companion: Pearl is looking at her from the corner of her big, blue eyes, and she feels intruded. 

“She is my Diamond,” Jasper replies, still vigilant, still the knight. “She is who I was made for.”

“Yes, but— what do you  _ think  _ of her? As a person.”

_ This is a trap,  _ Jasper thinks. “May I ask why you’re asking?”

Pearl has a perfect poker face, mastered through centuries of service. Jasper can’t even guess what she might be really thinking. “I’ll be honest with you,” Pearl says. “Have you heard…  _ rumors  _ in the Court?”

“Rumors?”

“Of a Rebel in our ranks,” she tells her, in a whisper. “A Rebel that wants to— to  _ shatter  _ our Diamond.”

The sole  _ thought  _ of that is blasphemy, she knows. Her chest tightens at the idea. “What?”

“I know. It’s ridiculous.” Pearl stares straight ahead, then. “But my Diamond, she takes these threats very seriously. The problem is, she has no way of tracking them down; she doesn’t know who she can trust.”

_ This has to be a trap. _ “Why are you telling me this?”

“I am her voice, her hands,” she says. “But she needs eyes. I’m the one telling you because no one will pay attention to us like this. She needs you, Jasper.”

_ It’s a trap, and I’m falling for it, _

“Okay,” Jasper says.

The next time she’s by her Diamond’s side, standing next to the throne, she risks a glance at her Radiance, and she’s looking right at her, and smiling, and Jasper feels breathless.

She cannot fail.

She listens, then. She watches over the court with her eagle eyes, she tunes in to conversations while the beryls don’t think she’s even paying attention. Her Diamond even opens up to her, just a little. Suddenly she’s not just standing outside the door, but inside, free to listen to her beautiful nonsenses and Pearl’s laughter. Suddenly her Diamond asks her questions, suddenly she cares about her opinions, even if they’re the foolish thoughts of a simple small quartz. 

Pearl supports her. Gives her little bits of information, when she can: a Bismuth destroyed plans for a Shrine and her cut looks suspicious, a group of technicians might’ve sabotaged the Alpha kindergarten plans, what have you heard about this, do you know about that. And, occasionally, she’ll brush her fingers against Jasper’s, and in those moments she’ll remember just how much she misses the rough bumping and holding of the quartzes, but she’ll quickly push the nostalgia down, put her duty forward. 

(She cherishes those little touches with all her life.)

“My Jasper,” her Diamond calls her now, as a traitorous Sapphire stands trial. “Tell me what you saw.”

And Jasper, filled with pride and warmth, dooms the Sapphire: “she conspired with the Rebel Bismuth, who said she would burn down the Empire, my Diamond. Starting with this Colony.”

“Wait,” Sapphire begs, “my Diamond, I’d never—”

“Silence,” her Diamond commands. “Your Zircon had nothing to say in your defense. You meant to destroy this colony; to break apart everything your fellow gems worked for. You should be  _ ashamed _ .”

“But I didn’t! I don’t know—”

“ _ Silence! _ ”

Jasper feels a little— no, it’s— odd. She can’t place down what she’s feeling, actually. She looks at Pearl, and she’s surprised to find she’s paused in her record-taking to look at the conversation taking place. The strange sensation grows, and settles inside her throat.

She buries that, too, but it lingers still.

“I will not shatter you,” her Diamond continues. “Not yet. You will be sent to Harvesting. Thank you for your service, Sapphire.”

“ _ No, _ ” the gem cries, but it’s too late; the Agates are taking her away already, crushing her form in one efficient strike, and the words die in her throat.

The feeling doesn’t leave in centuries. She glances back at her Diamond, at Pearl, and they’re looking at each other, satisfied, and it’s like she’s being torn apart by the doubts that plagued her when she was younger, and the feeling grows, and grows:

_ I’m missing something. _

How dare she doubt her duty, her Diamond? How can she? She should be grateful she’s here, protecting her, and yet she feels like a mere decoy, a statue that must never move but is never indispensable either. 

But the years keep moving forward, and the hesitation grows and grows; one time, when Pearl asks her about a group of rebel Rubies, she doesn’t tell her she saw them conspiring behind some bushes. And then it happens again. And again. And then one day she’s helping a Lapis Lazuli escape in a stolen shuttle, and Lazuli tells her, “you’ll hear from me again, just hold the line,” and Jasper doesn’t understand what that means until a Flint crashes into her as she’s running some errands for her Diamond and when she looks down at the stacks of boxes she’s helping Pearl carry there’s a sliver of paper that she stores into her gem as fast as she can. And when she reads it, hours later, when she’s finally alone outside her Diamond’s room, she reads the minuscule letter:  _ welcome to the Rebellion,  _ it says, in the messy-yet-clear handwriting that can only belong to a waterbender.  _ Thank you for saving me. We’re all rooting for you. Laz. _

She almost poofs from the stress right there and then. What the stars is she doing? If her Diamond found out! And yet, and yet. Pearl and her Diamond speak behind her back again. Her Diamond locks her out of the room more and more. Laz keeps sending her messages, and she can’t just let her down, either:  _ there’s two Corals that need to get out of there,  _ or  _ a Rutile will try to steal a map, you need to place it there.  _ And it just keeps growing and growing out of control!

And then, one day, while they’re scouting a former battlefield, her Diamond stops. 

“Jasper, I actually wanted to talk to you,” she says. Pearl is there by her side, as always, but even her face twists into a grimace when their Diamond says that. The Diamond sits on top of a stone, her expression quite serious, and it is then when Jasper realizes they’re all alone. “It is something extremely serious, but I wanted to ask you if it is true before I make any rash decisions, as I often do.”

“My Diamond?,” she mutters, but she knows already what this is.

“I know what I asked of you was unexpected, perhaps even too much to handle. I already know you helped those rebels, Jasper.” And just like that everything falls apart around her. She stares at her, her breathing quickening and she struggles to be still and stand straight even though she feels like she might shatter from the horror.  _ That’s awaiting me,  _ she realizes, and the unbridled fear just makes everything worse. “My Diamond—“

“I want to know why, if you mind me asking.”

The question is… a little unexpected. She never asks that to rebels during trial, too happy to execute and be done with it. Jasper gulps, and starts speaking without thinking about her words first, which always proves disastrous: “I don’t— I’m not betraying the Empire. I mean. I—  _ I don’t know.  _ It just doesn’t feel  _ right.  _ I thought I could just, help  _ one _ , but then more kept coming and it kept escalating and—“ Jasper grunts. She can’t look her in the eye; it’s like she’s a new cut again. She must be an embarrassment; so much for  _ the perfect quartz.  _ “Forgive me, my Diamond.”

Her Diamond is quiet for a long time. Jasper stares at the ground, just barely damp from last night’s rain. “Pearl,” she says, then. “Will you give us a minute?”

“But my Diamond—“

“Please.” She looks at Pearl, eyes so soft and sorrowful. “We’ll talk later.”

Pearl only hesitates a moment longer before leaving. Jasper doesn’t watch her go. She’s shaking like a leaf before her Diamond, her Radiance, her Glory; the gem she’d been made for, the gem she’d betrayed. 

“If you must,” Jasper stutters out, “I only— do it quick, my Diamond.” 

She exhales through her nose, and Jasper hears her as she comes closer, kneels next to her so they’re the same height. Slowly reaches for her hand, and Jasper braces herself for the inevitable that never does come. 

“I’m sorry,” she says, and that’s even  _ worse,  _ because she just made her Diamond cry, and the sorrow and regret might kill her. But then: “I should’ve told you from the beginning. I’m sorry, Jasper.”

It turns out, they never  _ were  _ shattered, the gems that her Diamond sentenced. At least not  _ all  _ of them. Most gems, it turns out, broke out. Or were broken out by someone else. 

“We tried to arrange everything,” she says, “Rose and I. I couldn’t let good gems just die because of petty tradition. Most of them are on Earth, now.” 

“Not everyone?”

“No.” Her Diamond looks away. “If too many gems escape, then it stops looking like mere mismanagement and it starts looking like treason.”

It is then when the severity of Pink’s actions hit her. When the reality sets and Jasper realizes: they could  _ both  _ be shattered. Even if Pink’s a Diamond,  _ her  _ Diamond, she’s seen enough of White to know that won’t stop her. 

“My Diamond,” Jasper begins. “My Diamond, will you be okay?”

Pink Diamond doesn’t reply, at first. 

“You’re young,” Pink says. “And awfully naive at times. But you’re not stupid, Jas.” The nickname would’ve made her heart stutter if she wasn’t in such a crazy situation already. “You already know the answer.”

“No.”

She nods. “No.”

Jasper thinks about the revelation long and hard. Then: “but if you agree with the Rebel, why not have her join your side? Why not fight alongside her?”

“I don’t  _ agree  _ with Rose. She and I just share some common goals. But she is very stubborn; must be the Quartz in her.” Her Diamond laughs a little. Jasper doesn’t understand the joke. “She is still a threat. But she keeps my people safe.”

“I could go down there,” Jasper says. “I could stop her for you.” But her Diamond shakes her head. 

“I need you to stay,” Pink tells her. “Your role here is very important, did you know? You save gems I don’t even know exist.”

“But I can do more good out there,” Jasper protests. “I can end the war.”

“Please. If you try that, only bad things will happen.” She sighs. “I trust you, Jasper. Please trust  _ me. _ ”

“I trust you,” Jasper replies. “I always have.”

She just barely misses the bitterness in her Diamond’s smile.

Things change after that.

Pearl will ask her, “what have you seen?,” and Jasper will tell the truth: a Citrine was carrying unauthorized weaponry, an Emerald was bringing gifts from a place outside her regulation. She helps the gems escape sometimes too, leads them down maintenance shafts and sends them away when Pearl is too busy to do it herself.

Her Diamond keeps her close. Sometimes she leans down and asks her things, like she’s Pearl; asks her for her opinion on certain strategies, asks her what she thinks of the newest gems. And she stands there and answers truthfully. And when Pink smiles, it’s all worth it. 

The war goes on, and on. And Jasper’s soul aches for a fight, like any good Quartz’s does, but she understands now, the value of her duty. And Pink seems happy, some days. And Pearl holds her hand some other days, when she thinks no one is looking. It’s okay. Jasper won’t tell.

And one night Jasper sees Rose Quartz in her Diamond’s room, and she doesn’t say anything.

And then Pink dies, and Jasper wishes she had.

She watches it happen. She’d been sent away for a moment, just a second, to talk to Fuschia Agate about the upcoming Beta battle, and she’d been back just in time to witness Rose Quartz, plunging her sword through her Diamond under the moonlight, and when the dust has settled there’s nothing but magenta shards glistening over the damp grass.

The court stands in frozen silence for a fraction of a second, and then the chaos erupts. “ _ No!, _ ” shouts Jasper. She immediately jumps into the fight, chasing Rose through the forest, clashing against her, while behind them everyone grieves and declares war to the death. And Rose, the shatterer herself, doesn’t seem like she’s much into fighting. With a slash she brings Jasper to her knees, and she pats at her chest, seizing the wound. For a fraction of a second she looks up, sees the rebel’s expression, and the tears down both their faces are not as hidden under the shadows as they like to think.

Next thing she knows, she’s reforming back in her Diamond’s camp, half the court is on fire, and Fuschia looks very angry at her, but she doesn’t hear the sermon, too busy sobbing her heart out.

They send her to Homeworld, to stand trial among the Rose Quartzes and the Earth-made gems. Yellow Diamond is mad, Blue Diamond cries and cries. White Diamond doesn’t show up.  _ She’s in denial,  _ some say, thinking no one hears them, but Jasper has always had sharp ears, even sharper eyes. She waits for her turn as the Diamonds poof and break and bubble gem after gem, sister after sister; no one comes to save them, this time. The few survivors are put aside, forever an example, now, forever outcasts. 

Finally, she stands in front of the people she failed. “I was Pink Diamond’s personal guard,” she states. “I’d been sent to Fuschia Agate for a strategic meeting when it happened. I pursued the Traitor into the woods, but she defeated me.”

“You got her  _ killed, _ ” Blue Diamond wails. “You were  _ made  _ to keep her safe.”

_ I was made for battle,  _ she thinks.  _ I was made for fighting, for bruising. I wasn’t made for Stars-damned espionage.  _ “I left for just ten minutes.”

“Ten minutes  _ too long, _ ” Yellow snarls. 

“I was following orders, but I  _ should  _ have been faster,” Jasper admits. She feels strangely at peace with this situation, like she just wants it all to be over. She bows down her head, kneels down, and her cape flutters behind her. “I have failed. I surrender myself to your wills.”

The courtroom is silent, after that, too silent. And then, Yellow’s voice rises over the crowd: “stand, Jasper.”

They don’t shatter her, she doesn’t think. She feels her body fall apart in a flash of lightning, and she barely has time to scream, but when she comes to herself again, she’s standing in what she knows to be Yellow Diamond’s personal quarters, right in front of the matriarch herself. 

“Listen to me,” Yellow tells her, still irritated but not exactly angry. “Listen very carefully, because I will only say it once. You’re a specialized Quartz. You’re a  _ perfect  _ Quartz, in almost all senses. So listen. You are to become part of my court now. You won’t be my bodyguard, because I do not  _ need  _ one. But you’re valuable. You will protect the gems in my court. Dark days are coming, Jasper. This is an  _ order.  _ It’s the least you can do, honestly.”

Jasper just nods. “Yes, my Diamond.”

And she fights. She gets the battles she yearned for in the dusty deserts and damp plains of Earth, cursed planet. The thirst in her is satiated, but nothing can heal the emptiness in her. The war ends, and Earth isn’t anymore. The letters from Laz stop coming centuries before that. She’s relegated to a palace guard, nothing left for her except the absence of laughter and the knowledge that she failed. She fell for the trap; she missed the key. 

And for thousands of years, standing guard, she mourns. 


End file.
